my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize