ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
