Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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