So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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