I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
