So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
