You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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