its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's shark week go big or go home
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
