Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
