Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
