I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
