if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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