just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
