i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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