I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize