Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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