Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
