You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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