Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize