Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize