The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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