he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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