you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
