Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
