the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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