remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
