he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
