You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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