and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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