Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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