I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize