oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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