you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
