Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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