and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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