i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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