Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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