It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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