I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
