He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
