So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
