When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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