I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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