so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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