dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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