All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
