so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
