I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
