mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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