I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
