So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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