My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
