I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize