Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
