Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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