I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
