I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
