I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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